Well, well, well...
It has certainly been a long time since my last posting. Not that anyone reads this anyway. It's just a very busy time in my life right now. Remember how I said that I was a passionate musician? Well i'm student teaching now and i've never been quite so busy! Busy, but satisfying is how I would describe the experience. I get up at painful hours in the morning to drive over an hour to teach students in grades 5-12 music. A dream come true! Sort of. I'm not getting paid for this as I am a student teacher. This is a requirement that I must fulfill to obtain my degree.
I am learning a ton of information that I would not anywhere else, however. I'm nitpicking out small, but detrimental quirks in my personality and mannerisms that are a hindrance to my role as a leader. I am becoming a more organized individual as well. It's just that i'm broke and at 2 on the energy meter all the time. Practice is not something that I often have the time for. On the other hand, it makes me value the time that I do have to practice much, MUCH, more.
I learn so much watching the children as well. What stunts your growth and prohibits you from being included in some peoples' social circles? Now I can say with much more confidence that I do know what can hold one back. In school, you see all types of social interactions. Distinct personality types. One of the first to really strike me, when I first observed it, is the aversive personality type. Perhaps it is because it is close to what I was. The student I noticed (let's call him "Ashton") really bothered me at first. In percussion ensemble, he would always play by ear. He was just capable enough to be able to play what he needed to, but the skills that he had were not necessarily ones that transfer. He was aversive reading music in such a way that would help him to read in the future. That faith that he could prevail with his existing skills is flawed, isn't it? That he could just survive with the tools he has already attained? Hmmmm... It all sounds pretty familiar to me. I know i've thought that way more than once. He doesn't realize how that stunts his growth though. He hopes that perseverance will carry him past his peers and into outer significance.
Not so. In believing in himself so strongly, he loses faith in the world around him. He will not fully accept advice from experts around him. He believes his inner compass is true. It could be. Or it might not and he might progress in life frustrated by the unmet need of his delusions of grandeur. It all sounds so familiar. I wish I could tell him and have him believe that trust in his peers will not detract from who he is and that it will in fact, accelerate his growth. As long as he believes and lives as if truth is intrinsic, he will never achieve the greatness he seeks. More trust is required. I wish I could impress that on him.
There are many other cases that have provided insight into why things are as they are socially. Topics for later conversation.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
How to sabotage your future!
So... recently, I had a girlfriend break up with me. It wasn't just any girl. She shared my optimism, passion for music, and love of nerdy sci-fi things. We had an incredible chemistry that made me feel justified, loved, understood, and blessed to experience such awe and beauty in my life. I thought that she saw the same in me, but I was wrong. She admitted that she was hiding parts of herself and her personality from me. She felt guilty for not falling in love with me like I was with her. She said that I was absolutely perfect on paper; all the things she would want in a guy. She just wasn't in love. She admitted to feeling a very special connection earlier in the relationship, but it faded on her end.
It got me thinking; what went wrong? I can't express how amazingly we fit together. I wonder if I will ever find someone who has such a strong effect on me. I know she thought I was "serious relationship material" because she got on birth control (she's a virgin) and had me come to New York to meet her extended family. It dawned on me after awhile. No matter how great of a connection you have with someone in any kind of relationship, it will fade if one or both are not honest/open. If you are loved by someone that you aren't yourself with, their affection for you can never be justified. They don't love the real you. Who enjoys being loved for something that they aren't? NOT ME. I'm sure she felt rotten receiving my love or being in my presence when she was holding things back from me. She was leading me on and she knew it, but was unwilling make the changes necessary to give our relationship an honest try. I don't think she even realizes how she sabotaged the relationship from the start.
This has applications far beyond that of a romantic relationship, but that was how this epiphany came to me. We only have ourselves to blame for our dissatisfaction with our relationships (of any kind). That is if the problem is that we are not seen for who we are and thus, feel misunderstood. You have to be an open book with everyone. If you don't share who you are openly, people will think you're someone else. You can't blame them for not "getting" you. You didn't give them you and they did the best they could. If you want to be understood and to be able to feel/accept love, you have to be brave enough to share your true self and your thoughts- no matter who your company is. To feel misunderstood by friends, lovers, and people in general is the result of cowardice. It is not justified. I'm guilty of not letting others see who I am sometimes. This breakup impressed on me what a crime it really is. I can't be afraid of people not accepting who I am. I'm awesome!
It got me thinking; what went wrong? I can't express how amazingly we fit together. I wonder if I will ever find someone who has such a strong effect on me. I know she thought I was "serious relationship material" because she got on birth control (she's a virgin) and had me come to New York to meet her extended family. It dawned on me after awhile. No matter how great of a connection you have with someone in any kind of relationship, it will fade if one or both are not honest/open. If you are loved by someone that you aren't yourself with, their affection for you can never be justified. They don't love the real you. Who enjoys being loved for something that they aren't? NOT ME. I'm sure she felt rotten receiving my love or being in my presence when she was holding things back from me. She was leading me on and she knew it, but was unwilling make the changes necessary to give our relationship an honest try. I don't think she even realizes how she sabotaged the relationship from the start.
This has applications far beyond that of a romantic relationship, but that was how this epiphany came to me. We only have ourselves to blame for our dissatisfaction with our relationships (of any kind). That is if the problem is that we are not seen for who we are and thus, feel misunderstood. You have to be an open book with everyone. If you don't share who you are openly, people will think you're someone else. You can't blame them for not "getting" you. You didn't give them you and they did the best they could. If you want to be understood and to be able to feel/accept love, you have to be brave enough to share your true self and your thoughts- no matter who your company is. To feel misunderstood by friends, lovers, and people in general is the result of cowardice. It is not justified. I'm guilty of not letting others see who I am sometimes. This breakup impressed on me what a crime it really is. I can't be afraid of people not accepting who I am. I'm awesome!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Hello Blogging World!
Hello blogging world!
The name is Will or Billy if you prefer. Whenever I introduce myself anymore, I go with Will. I have my reasons, but it's a long story that i'll save for another day. Anyway, I wanted to start writing a little bit each day as a way to reflect and meditate on what exudes an influence on me at different points of time. I always find that it is easier to explore my thoughts and emotions through writing. So i'm doing this for me, but if others are anything like me, the inner machinations of the minds of others are an endless source of amusement/thought-fodder. I may eventually use it to share my music (i'm a very passionate musician), poety, or whatever else I feel like creating. It is unclear what the form and focus of what this blog will take on, but i'm confident that will become self-evident over time.
So a little bit about myself; I'm a perpetually curious, thoughtful, musical, random, kind being. It has always been hard to define myself as I have an interest in so many things. Some people find an obvious purpose early on in life and take comfort in that. Not me. The general conclusion that i've come to is that I have a moral obligation to the human race to be a beacon of good will.(har har) I want to be living proof that someone with a goofy sense of humor, uncompromising good morals, a shy nature, and healthy objections to organized religion (another story for another day) can live a good life. As I said before, I have a passion bordering on obsession for listening/playing/writing music. I enjoy most things sci-fi in nature. Running, reading, rollerblading, singing badly, listening to stand up, and weight lifting are a few of my hobbies.
And what am I doing with my life you ask? I'm currently a student studying music education at Ohio University. My primary instrument is the saxophone, but i'm also proficient on flute, clarinet, guitar, and piano. I'm student teaching this Fall semester. It's the last thing I have to do before I graduate and thank goodness for that. Midway through the semester, I will be auditioning to get into one of the Army Bands. Hopefully I will make it in and spend the next three years traveling, playing, and figuring out what the next step in my life will be. I can't think of anything else that the electronic world should know right now, so i'll leave it at this. I hope good fortune is with you wherever you are!
-Will
The name is Will or Billy if you prefer. Whenever I introduce myself anymore, I go with Will. I have my reasons, but it's a long story that i'll save for another day. Anyway, I wanted to start writing a little bit each day as a way to reflect and meditate on what exudes an influence on me at different points of time. I always find that it is easier to explore my thoughts and emotions through writing. So i'm doing this for me, but if others are anything like me, the inner machinations of the minds of others are an endless source of amusement/thought-fodder. I may eventually use it to share my music (i'm a very passionate musician), poety, or whatever else I feel like creating. It is unclear what the form and focus of what this blog will take on, but i'm confident that will become self-evident over time.
So a little bit about myself; I'm a perpetually curious, thoughtful, musical, random, kind being. It has always been hard to define myself as I have an interest in so many things. Some people find an obvious purpose early on in life and take comfort in that. Not me. The general conclusion that i've come to is that I have a moral obligation to the human race to be a beacon of good will.(har har) I want to be living proof that someone with a goofy sense of humor, uncompromising good morals, a shy nature, and healthy objections to organized religion (another story for another day) can live a good life. As I said before, I have a passion bordering on obsession for listening/playing/writing music. I enjoy most things sci-fi in nature. Running, reading, rollerblading, singing badly, listening to stand up, and weight lifting are a few of my hobbies.
And what am I doing with my life you ask? I'm currently a student studying music education at Ohio University. My primary instrument is the saxophone, but i'm also proficient on flute, clarinet, guitar, and piano. I'm student teaching this Fall semester. It's the last thing I have to do before I graduate and thank goodness for that. Midway through the semester, I will be auditioning to get into one of the Army Bands. Hopefully I will make it in and spend the next three years traveling, playing, and figuring out what the next step in my life will be. I can't think of anything else that the electronic world should know right now, so i'll leave it at this. I hope good fortune is with you wherever you are!
-Will
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