Unconditional Love

I was having a profound thought while I was out running today. For some reason, that's the time when a lot of my best thoughts and realizations happen. When my heart starts beating faster and i'm breathing heavily, the stresses of the outside world fade away. Running forces you into the present moment. You can't get distracted or worry about what you are or are not doing. You just are. It's very freeing for me.

I'm almost always listening to music when i'm running and my thoughts are always loosely connected to the meaning that the music has for me. I started having this thought while I was listening to "Real" from "Good Kid, M.A.A.D City" by Kendrick Lamar. It's a great, great album. You have to listen to it straight through to really get it. Every track is connected and together, it tells a great story. I strongly recommend giving it a listen.  Here's a link to the song i'm talking about though.

"What's love got to do with it when you don't love yourself?"

Right away, this made me think of unconditional love. It's something that almost every human being seeks in one way or another. Feelings of love tie into feelings of justification and rationalizing decisions. We often make our decisions based on whether we think people will love, accept, and support them. It is difficult for people to do anything when they don't feel loved or fear rejection. This is why many people stay in places that they hate. For example, a lot of kids from my high school would frequently talk about how boring Lancaster was and how they couldn't wait to leave. Years later, I can see on facebook that many of them are still there and are in fact, making their lives there starting families and whatnot. What do you think is the reason why they never left?

My theory is that it is because leaving town is a decision that no one will pat them on the back (love) for. The love and acceptance has to come from within. People want those feelings of love and acceptance in the most difficult times/decisions of their life. They want to feel unconditional love so that they can have the strength to manifest their deepest ideals and desires.You can see people looking in different places for it.

The most common place that I see people searching for unconditional love is in religion. When people believe that they are saved, it gives them strength and conviction in their actions. If they truly believe that they have god's unconditional love, they can do anything with conviction knowing that they are and will always be aligned with god.

That's a pretty enormous benefit, but what of everyone else in the world who doesn't share their beliefs? Are they crazy for believing in false gods or for not believing in any at all? I was raised Catholic and this was always the problem for me. Well, that and the fact that I never experienced any supernatural communication with god even though I prayed as earnestly as I knew how at the time. My spiritual/ultimate beliefs about the truths of the world could not dismiss others who did not believe the same things as me as wrong/foolish/ignorant. I cannot believe that.

So I believe that humans have to give themselves the unconditional love. Religion should not have a monopoly on unconditional love. People can give that to each other and I believe that they are capable of giving it to themselves (it's not easy). They have to believe in their own feelings, desires, and dreams. Unconditional love can also come from marriage or a partner too. Marriage (coming from me) is a pledge of unconditional love. Even the strongest people need to be loved and reassured sometimes. It's a nice thought that someday, I could meet someone with whom I have an unconditionally loving relationship. It's setting the bar high, but here's hoping.

      It's been awhile since my last post. And I guess there's reasons for that. This is still a bit of a "slow" point in my life. For those of you haven't been following me in the past, i've just graduated from college, gotten a job playing saxophone in the US Army, and i'm currently waiting to ship off to basic training. I really do think that life is about to get exciting/busy and I am psyched about that.
     It' s just awkward being where I am. I can honestly say that I know what it feels like to be a ghost now. To be more specific, the ghost of my college self. That part of my life is over now. What an experience that was! I've undergone so many transformations and added so many different perspectives to my omnipresent worldview. It's hard not to live in existential fear, but i'm beginning to rise to the occasion with the loss of my naivete optimism thank goodness. I'm finding that one should set expectations high and never give up. I can rise higher than I once realized.
    Now with only three weeks stand between me and basic training, I think i'm finally ready. Like I said, I feel like a ghost living in the situation that I am now. I'm not making any more than enough money to just get by. Almost all social interactions feel hollow and lacking in significance aside from just maintaining my sanity. I'm not going to see any of my college friends for a long time and there are some that I will never see again. I have no doubt that the next phase of my life is going to force me to embrace just as many new perspectives as this one and I welcome that with open arms. It's just that I feel caged in here. Something new, exciting, and full of significance awaits me, but I am still here. It is difficult to embrace this time, but i'm doing my best.