How to sabotage your future!

     So... recently, I had a girlfriend break up with me. It wasn't just any girl. She shared my optimism, passion for music, and love of nerdy sci-fi things. We had an incredible chemistry that made me feel justified, loved, understood, and blessed to experience such awe and beauty in my life. I thought that she saw the same in me, but I was wrong. She admitted that she was hiding parts of herself and her personality from me. She felt guilty for not falling in love with me like I was with her. She said that I was absolutely perfect on paper; all the things she would want in a guy. She just wasn't in love. She admitted to feeling a very special connection earlier in the relationship, but it faded on her end.

    It got me thinking; what went wrong? I can't express how amazingly we fit together. I wonder if I will ever find someone who has such a strong effect on me. I know she thought I was "serious relationship material" because she got on birth control (she's a virgin) and had me come to New York to meet her extended family. It dawned on me after awhile. No matter how great of a connection you have with someone in any kind of relationship, it will fade if one or both are not honest/open. If you are loved by someone that you aren't yourself with, their affection for you can never be justified. They don't love the real you. Who enjoys being loved for something that they aren't? NOT ME. I'm sure she felt rotten receiving my love or being in my presence when she was holding things back from me. She was leading me on and she knew it, but was unwilling make the changes necessary to give our relationship an honest try. I don't think she even realizes how she sabotaged the relationship from the start.

     This has applications far beyond that of a romantic relationship, but that was how this epiphany came to me. We only have ourselves to blame for our dissatisfaction with our relationships (of any kind). That is if the problem is that we are not seen for who we are and thus, feel misunderstood. You have to be an open book with everyone. If you don't share who you are openly, people will think you're someone else. You can't blame them for not "getting" you. You didn't give them you and they did the best they could. If you want to be understood and to be able to feel/accept love, you have to be brave enough to share your true self and your thoughts- no matter who your company is. To feel misunderstood by friends, lovers, and people in general is the result of cowardice. It is not justified. I'm guilty of not letting others see who I am sometimes. This breakup impressed on me what a crime it really is. I can't be afraid of people not accepting who I am. I'm awesome!