This really is proving to be a tough time in my life. I'm not certain that any portion of life will ever be easy for me. I don't know if i've noted this on the blog yet, but i've graduated from college! A huge chapter of my life, over. It was one of struggle, self-discovery, and constant rebirth. I tried on many different perspectives throughout my time, experience, and education there. Since graduation, i've gotten a job as a saxophone player in the US Army which has been my dream job at the end of the tunnel motivating me all throughout college. It is verification that I am capable of doing what I have dreamt of and worked so hard for. At least I have something to look forward to at the end of this lull.
Like I said, things right now are a little painful. I got the job of my dreams, but I don't ship off to basic training until March 25th. Time is passing very slowly now. All I have to do while I wait is work at the shoe store, get in shape, keep up my music skills, and take my test to get my teaching license. The problem is, I live alone. Sometimes, I go an entire day without talking to anyone. It sucks, but I can deal. That's just the reality. I'm not a college student anymore and I live in a college town. I get frustrated and waste time sometimes.
Another thing that's been getting me down lately is Kate. (leave it to girls to get you down, right?) I had high hopes for her. She told me that she would like to move out to where I am when she gets out and I melted at the thought. She seemed like she would be an ideal partner for me; Smart, beautiful, fun, understanding. Love is a fickle thing though. I don't pretend to understand why she isn't talking to or seeing me. Most likely it's the same old "girl can't make up her mind" stuff. Sometimes she enjoys being with someone who cares and sometimes she leaves me alone in the ocean wondering what the hell went wrong. I hope there are better days for love ahead where I don't freak every lover out. I don't know if i'm too mature or just psycho. It's a fine line.
I'm never one to wallow in my misery. Just one who has to acknowledge it before moving on. Acknowledged. So what can I do to make it better. Plan! So what do I have at my disposal to make the most out of the time before I leave? Jazz Everyone, Sax/flute/clarinet, french, writing+writing music, khan academy, guitar/singing. A lot. Really. And I have a few good friends in town still. Things could be much, much worse. I just have to make the best of it. No one but me will pat me on the back for it.
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